To all employees:
Effective January 2007
Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
2. If wee see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag,
we assume you are doing well financially & therefore do not need a pay raise.
3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better,
so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore do not need a pay raise.
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be & therefore do not need a pay raise.
Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness.
If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 105 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday & Sunday.
Compassionate Leave
There is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for
dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have
non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee
involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon.
We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently
leave one hour early.
Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict
three-minutes time limit in each cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After the second offence, your picture will be posted on the company's
notice board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the
company's mental health policy.
Lunch Break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so
that they can look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal
to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time
needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are an employer
of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.
Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations,
irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations,
consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. :)
I like the toilet part. So funnaye! Hahah, I wonder whats the company
name. I'll never join that company, so strict.
I think I'm getting more doughnuts from Raffles City later (:
I feel like eating ice-cream from Island Creamery.
Someone go with me after school on Tuesday please (:
Janlan Serene, thats like near Bukit Timah, or is it near
Farrar Road, I don't know. But I wanna go on Tuesday after
school, if there is no training luh (:
Labels: effective january 07